Rhod Gilbert on BBC Radio Wales.

If you are listening to this, you are listening to Rod Bilbert's Best Bits, some of the best bits from my Saturday morning radio show, live on BBC Radio Wales もし君がこれを聴いているなら、君はロッド・ギルバーツ・ベスト・ビッツを聴いているということだ。ロッド・ギルバーツ・ベスト・ビッツとは、ロッド・ギルバートのベストなビッツという意味だ。this week, I'm in my kitchen in London with Tom W__. 今週はトム・リグルスワースとともにロンドンの我が家のキッチンからお届けする。

Mr. Tom W__, who, uh, has just / just wondered in / does / second / wondered / glistening from the perspiration __ __ /drizzle. / you're telling me you rushed / as you walked through the door, arriving / this / cams / production team / I heard this: "40 seconds to go." / before the end of / 40 seconds / before the show started / you arrived / is that the latest? 新記録か？/ live radio show? / that, for me is the personal best 自己最高記録だ。/ it takes me about 35 minutes ... right? それに 35 分かかる ... いい？/ door-to-door / landed / 40 seconds / nearest / bad / this is __ __ __ 34 minutes ... / Exactly, yeah, yeah. / 18 / 40 seconds / 40 seconds was, sort of, perfectly acceptable / yeah / enough time 準備には、40 秒あれば充分だな。/ calmly / checking your phone / as I was talking / message / and sit down / expanding the / what the longest journey .../ here we go. そらきた。Captain Features / captain / creating a feature as he stumbles in / too much time / what is the longest journey that you've / just in the nick of time ギリギリ間に合ったときの行程で、一番長かったのは？/ longest / arrived as they / as they were saying / good feature, Captain Features / jot it down / time / give / positive spin, though / sometimes you もうちょっと楽しげにやってくれよ。おまえってさ、時々、コーナーの紹介のしかたがネガティブで、応募しづらくなるんだよ。... / I am / sink / just / like to hear / of this show / what is the longest journey you've made which / concluded / nick of time / about 40 seconds / possible / mine is / 35 / offended / negative ネガティブってのは聞き捨てならんな。/ apoligize すまん。謝る。/ mean to / what is the longest journey you have made, and what / arrived in the nick of time / yeah / just / what is the longest journey you have made / arrived in the nick of time, you idiot. どんどん送ってくれ。バカども。

actually more people / kitchen / first time / outnumbered the listeners キッチンにいる人数がリスナー数を上回った。/ out there / how many listeners are out there? / this is one of those / radio / like a tree in a forest, isn't it? / sometimes / get in touch / inundated with tweets ツイートで溢れかえってるぞ。 / we just need to ... / let me put that / test / Production team, how many emails おーい、制作チーム、メールはいくつ来てる？/ None. / None so far. ゼロ？ ゼロだとよ。現時点で、ゼロだ。/ feel about that, Tom どう思う、トム？/ air / minutes / national radio station 国営放送 / it takes a little while / show 釣りと同じだよ。食いつくまでに時間がかかるんだ。/ like fishing / aren't like fishing, mate この番組は確かに釣りみたいなものだが、たいていの番組は、釣りとは違う。/ hopped on-board / knees / fishy thing / immediately / fly-fishing / more like a lazy, Saturday afternoon, by a lake, absolutely nothing happens 面白いことは何にも起こらない / even / phone / for ... / for reasons, I can ... I can ... you know, basically, / phone / what's the worst meal you've ever / out. I've got one / Oh, god. Now / up / people / first まずはリスナーに書かせてだな、/ trying to get / everything / at this, Tom. / Yeah? / I'm gonna try and reverse-engineer this feature リバース・エンジニアリングを施そうと思う。/ restaurant / describe it to me. / describe mine later on. / okey dokey / oh, god / horrible / an email / just says "Hello, Rhod and Tom / listen. Send it through. Send it through. Doesn't matter / Tom and I are in London / just send it through / Tom and I are in London / can we / just a piece of paper / write / other stuff on 紙が一枚あればいい。適当にあることないこと書き足してやる。

myself / here in London / light-hearted g__ through the joy, that is, uh, the Daily Mail. 喜びの源泉、すなわちデイリー・メールをぱらぱらとめくりながらリラックスした雰囲気であれこれと論評する ... / What have you / anything? 何かおもしろい記事ある？ / nothing / about / we / pay you for それでこそ、出演料を払っておまえに出てもらう価値があるってもんだ。/ come here / 40 seconds before the start of the show 番組開始 40 秒前にやってきて、 / then / Barbara S__, live on air. ... OK. / top / Barbara S__. What have you learned? / obviously got / they always do / reason to be / so, she's overcome her ugly d__ __, バーバラは彼女の醜い ... を克服して .../ and, uh ... / she should __ __ by now / Barbara / saying the first paragraph / Daily Mail / straight away / will / looking / she's youthful / She looks impossibly young for a woman of 72 72 歳の女性としては信じ難いほど若く見える。/ how young / look? Feature 3 ... hang on ... Feature 3: How young is it possible for a woman of 72 to look? 72 歳の女性は何歳までの若さに見られることが可能か？/ It's quite a serious question. これは重大な問題だぞ。/ just __ make it / sexist / B__ S__, for example / random, ... you are a random name generator ... if you are / young / possible / it's a good feature / tell you what / what is the wildest age difference / someone / compared to your real age? 「XX歳に見える」と言われたとき、一番実年齢からかけ離れていたのは？/ what is the most flattering / not / spin on your feature おまえのコーナーをちょっとひねったんだ。 That / it's how / phone / if we say ... / how / your age / offensive or flattering 気に障ったのでもいいし気を良くしたのでもいい。/ Yeah. Could be either way. どちらの場合もありうる。 / how wrong / Feature 3 / how young / so niche 狙いすぎだろ。

Now then, they are flooding in now, Tom. / in / glad / help us out, I think お情けだな。 / "Hello, Rhod and Tom / Ben / trying to help us out / hi / Florida, from someone called / hello / I'm listening, __ __ __, but mostly because I'm cleaning the flat ..." / Why not? / Uh ... and then / my feature / one-nil to me １対０で俺が勝ってる。/ a nibble / on the, uh ... the worst nibble / "Hi, Rhod and Tom / this is from C__ from N__ / when I was on holiday in France / restaurant / I was vegetarian. / never get well これはたいてい破滅的な結果になる。/ I don't like / stereo-types, but ステレオタイプな言い方はしたくないが、フランス人って、ベジタリアンが嫌いだよな？ / he said they could prepare something special / no problem. I was sm__ly served / spoon of garden peas / I don't know / what was it wrapped in? 何に包まれていたのかな？/ like / paper / baby / sort of waxy / what was / piece of cheese wrapped in a waxy, uh, outer ... / yeah / shell thing / just a waxy coating? / Yeah. / anybody __ that / a wrapped baby __ and a spoon of garden / you've, uh, / would a ... would a spoon of peas / what __ __ mushy? / nobody / if you say / default to garden / ... と言えばデフォルトで garden のことだというのか？/ wouldn't you say peas / where are they from? / not / can you get urban peas / you can't get / they're all garden / house peas, indoor peas / nothing like that / "snap", I suppose. ... But __ __ snap peas / just peas / like ... like ... / aren't peas yet / baby peas, right / what are __ snap pea? I've never ... / I thought snap peas are the ones you / eat / pod / スナップエンドウというのはサヤごと食うやつかと思ってた。 do / peas come out of that / so, a snap pea, you are saying ... / Yeah, / just / pea / in its mother? / Yeah. / mothership? / with its siblings 兄弟と一緒に / garden mushy mothership, full of / please / it's too close to swearing マザー・ファッカーに似てる。それが問題だ。/ That's the problem with it. __ __ __ __, "one of mother-load of ..." / table of nine / out / mother / not / hang on a minute / Feature 4: What is a snap pea? ... Is it just / I / great / walk out / restaurant / storm out of the restaurant / tell you what / jot / down / of-the-peas" thing / Oh my god / talking about / I didn't leave the restaurant. I just didn't leave a tip / that was / length of my protest / such / I was furious / I didn't even tip チップも置かなかった。 / See? That's a shame, because / punishing / fault ウエイターを罰してどうする？彼らの責任じゃないだろう？ / rubbish / worst meal / food / it was a French restaurant / meal / so bad / she / quite cool and aloof / you know / a bit like, uh, "como__? / "What do you want?" / yeah / French / bit / bit aloof / like / want / know / big gitane / ye__ fingers / come on / right / been that / bad waitress / just not very good / this is / how / entire plate of beef b__non. Entire plate, untouched ... except that I ... she didn't even / just took it away. That / aloof / even say "You haven't even tried a ... / never even tried / she didn't even say "you haven't touched your beef b__ 「あら、一口もお召し上がりにならなかったのですか」とさえ言わなかった。/ why / explain all this after / can you be too aloof / judge / by its cover 本の内容を表紙で判断してはいけません。

There's something on your feature here, Tom / age of 72 / how wrong / age / OK. Let's hear it. / how wrong / "Morning, Rhod and Tom / high school teacher / hair-dresser's / rather than going to my usual one. As / about / said / work early?" / "No" / out of school / you / in? 何をやらかした？ / explained / one / never know, said the hair-dresser / needless to say, / so, you're 47 ... so, / need / mathematically / who wins this / well / oldest / could be in high school / 16, I think / or 18 if / maybe. / I'm sure / held back / was 20 / exceptional / 18 / 47 / got mistaken for, maximum 18, say, / 19 years / 29 / is that right? Hang on a minute ... 47, take away 18 ... what's that? / 29 / I'm not very good / be all right / just / second / digit / very difficult to / 19 / 29 / I don't know. I ... I level with you. I level with you. I'm so tired. My face / woken up / I'm gonna do this properly 落ち着いて計算してみよう。 / 47, / 7 / is 9, and pay back / how / do that / I think it's 29. ... It's 29, mate. This is ... I tell you what / put / it is 29, yeah / Live! / Basic math! / Live! Arithmetic! Live! On a Saturday morning. I ... __ __, honestly, I'm so tired / face / like a pothole / I don't know / my eyes / just / I tell you what it is / before you interrupt me. ... I wore ... I realize / I wore contact lenses for the first in my life. 生まれて初めてコンタクトレンズを装着した。/ Did you? / because / Tuesday / filming / new series / Never Mind __ Cox / host / me / terrifying ... and I thought ... suddenly, S__ our agent / range / now you are short-sighted あんた近眼でしょ。カンペ見える？/ I said "No." / and she went / booked me an appointment / I went in / very confusing because I'm short-sighted a bit for reading / I'm short-sighted / distance again / I kid you not. I've got four pairs / carried no glasses / did / sun / Right? Normal sunglasses. Six months ago. Now, four pairs of glasses. / Wow. / sunglasses, reading glasses, / distance glasses / a pair for distance / she put / contact lenses / multi-focal / no / idea / flickering all over the place / broken televisions 壊れたテレビみたいにチラチラチラチラ / get them out / couldn't find them 見つからないんだ。/ me / when / stumble outside / anybody got contact / yeah / can't get them out / toilet / blinking, sneezing, blewing my nose / fingers in my eyes / have tricks / pop / I don't know / I was stuck, __ ... this bloke came over / in my eyes and / pulled out / so calmly / I was like / really sorry / disgusting / no / up to the knuckle / eye ... somebody else's eye. And / he didn't even wash his hands / no / after. I don't care the time / my eyes were melting. / It was amazing. But that's why I realize / tired / do the arithmetic / 47-29. / definitely 29 / how young or how wrong / somebody / she's so far in the lead / schoolgirl / 47 / how / you know / shave one side and / yeah / Alice in Preston, Did you get ... did you get the s__ teenager haircut? 十代がやってるあの生意気なヘアスタイルにしたのか？

age / remind / go on, yeah / text / .co.uk, you can tweet / all that stuff / right / Feature 1: / arrived in the nick of time / Feature 2: / worst / how young is it possible to look at the age of 72? / nonsense feature / I like it. My favorite. Feature 3A: / how wrong / about your age / remember / earlier in the show / before / Alice in Preston / painfully worked out 苦労して計算した / mistaken / high school / 18 / 29 / Alison's come back. She's got in touch / __ __ __ __ furious with our math skills 我々の計算能力に呆れてる？/ 16 彼女の高校は 16 歳までだそうだ。 / age difference is 31." Alison / Now, that is all very well, Alison, / did the hair dresser / they didn't / there is a moot point. その理髪師は知らなかったんだろ。意味ねーよ。/ what is a snap pea? スナップエンドウとは何か？ / mother load of peas / into / very vexed / didn't they? / animated / very worked up about what / difference between / snap / sugar / here's my theory. Just a theory / pea / say garden pea / if / a mushy pea / need / we all / I would say that a snap pea / mother-load of pea / yet / just in a pod / possibly I agree with that. But then you said / snap pea / same thing. ... And I can see you now / producers have printed off / see you reading it で、おまえはそれを読んでたな。/ your benefit おまえのためを思って。 / not for my benefit それはおれのためにはならん。/ I don't ... I'm not interested in the truth. ... I'm only interested in speculation 正しい知識に用はない。憶測が面白いのだ。/ you said earlier / same / think / anything / you wanna be devastated / in black and white / also known as / sugar snap peas / if you say "snap pea" / what's the point / podded / the name "__ __" / French / "eat all" フランス語で「まるごと食う」という意味だ。 / I realize that / apply to both / no / snow pea / I've never ... / apparently / snap pea / garden or English pea / pod is / including snap pea / do not have / do not open when ripe 熟しても割れない / at maturity / centimeters in length / per / See? This is why, this is why I tend not to read these thing / send わかるか？ だからだよ。だから、おれは制作スタッフがよこすプリントアウトを読まないんだ。/ I would rather / speculate, I would rather リスナーが無い知恵絞って / the audience come in / their little thoughts / entertaining / plus / I can't, now. / all the information / that is brilliant radio / really / kids / I don't what is the difference / email / in / suddenly / dry description / very vexed / sick of this. ... Sick of it. 豆のことなんかどうでもいい。世界一どうでもいい。正しい知識にはうんざりだ。/ got a point 一理あるな。/ I've got a very good point 一理もニ理もある。/ whole production nonsense / realize / about fact / feature's gone. That's what I'm saying. これでコーナーが一つ潰れた、とだけ言っておこう。

Now then, on the subject of peas / still / there / luckily, no thanks to you, and no thanks / almost, almost killing off the feature それで、コーナーが一個潰れるところだったが / bounce back / some of them, anyway / mushy ones wouldn't / most / wouldn't / call / garden peas / frozen, as well / they don't bounce. / Yeah? / Oh yeah, they do bounce / just / I thought / S__ Panel / just handing __ the award / bother with nominations / finalist / answer the questions / bounces more どの豆が一番跳ねるか / from / subject of peas, "Hello / some people do. そういう人はたまにいるよ。/ wrongly. でも間違いだよな？/ Yeah. ああ。/ call / Thom, "Th" / perhaps / just generous with the H's. きっとエッチが好きなんだよ。/ hello / served / waxy-coated / still going / be / garden peas ... peas ... or ... or the smaller relative, p__ p__? / Of course. / ... Now, here is the question: Are p__ p__ / just peas / fully / so, if / snap pea / mother load of peas スナップエンドウとはサヤに入ったままの豆のことだ、と言うのであれば、/ of / a womb, perhaps more accurately / mother / a wombful of peas / really bad version of / womb / innit? / so / p__ p__ / peas / that would be a question, wouldn't it? / like a bunch of / is / bag of p__ p__ / garden peas / wouldn't / if peas / p__ p__ / I think so. / And, while / m__-fat pea? / Exactly. Exactly / elephant in the room / has been / my room / my house / I haven't thought / they're massive / are they just / Yeah, are they just / humans all over the world for various different reasons / yeah / diet, largely / kind / lifestyle / pea world 豆の世界では / tragic / when / Alison wrote / something else / somebody wrote in about garden peas / they have opened a can ... a can ... not of m__ fat peas but of worms / open / because I feel this show's getting worse by the second. 箱を開けた。豆の箱ではなく、パンドラの箱を ... 曲をかけよう。この番組は刻一刻とダメになっていってる気がするから。

now then / so / features / from / on the subject of contact lenses / feature / longest / dropped / feature 23A / the oddest place / hasn't / yet. / just / given / OK / that's fine / feature / room for more features / "Can you be too aloof?" / uh, on the subject of food, staying at a hotel in Paris / I was delighted / worst meal / staying / I was delighted / on entering the room, I found / cake the size of __ lego d__ boat, ... which / de__ed in two bites.二口で食っちまった。" says / I don't know / I was thinking / what / lego man might ride レゴの人形が乗れるサイズのやつ。/ could / fairly flexible / anything from a canoe to an ocean liner カヌーから豪華客船までいろいろ。 / what else have we got? Um ... "Hi Tom and / guest presenter / all right. Enough of your sarcasm / I'm a busy man / own / every week 君の皮肉に付き合っている暇はないのだよ。/ guest presenter / myself and / other listeners / are still here. / sorry / managed / busy / obviously on its way / "Hello, Rhod and Tom," This is from / in response to your feature, I went for a posh meal / with / served / a__ b__ / great word / isn't it? / Do you love it? 好きだろ？/ I do / know / you don't know / is? / a metropolitan, __sexual Londoner / like you おまえほどの男が / Huh? A f__ dresser / know / you wear __ I can only describe / wear / if / scarf is an amuse-neck, then おまえ、スカーフなんか巻いてるくせに。俺に言わせれば、スカーフというものは「アミューズ・ネック」と言う以外に説明のしようがない。/ extravagantly decorated one / no / means / b__ is "mouth" / little thing / bring / little / little thing to entertain your mouth / while you wait for food / same / something / about / scale of / uh, much smaller / somewhere between nothing and / canape__ / more / peanuts / yeah / that's niche, isn't it? / very niche. Very posh, / amuse the mouth. / Rhod / in response to your feature, I went for a posh meal with / Mi__ / of / a fish-flavored b__. / both of us struggled our way through / one third of it gagging / one / third / scraping, isn't it? 食べるというより、歯で表面をひっかく感じだな。 / biggest / sort of size / that's / know / average / one-third / a niblet, at best / I like it.

"Poking nostrils stops nose-bleed", says __ newspaper / idea / throw / some / moving slowly today / Feature 6, for example / "Can you be too aloof?" ... Nothing. 反応なし。/ uh / what else / hasn't / you launched / nick of time?" ... Nothing. / you brace yourself / correspondent / pushing it 悪あがきはやめろ。/ kids in my class / age / how / currently / 29 years / kids / my age / between 60 and 67. / kids / we're not having that 子どもはナシだ。 / yeah / that / need / throw kids into this 子どもを巻き込むな。/ can you? / yeah / idea / notion / process / experience to judge you / this is from / remember / earlier / even have been / got the email / 23A / invented the feature / invented a feature / read / his email / invented / win / actually tell us / the feature was / how long have you looked for a contact lens / this is from / a.k.a. / find my mate's lens / Alexandria / Egypt / who started the feature / boasted to win it / two hours / looking / so, he's invented the feature コーナーを創設して .../ and then lost すぐ負けたんだ。/ So, ... C__ / said / very confident / feature / how / find a contact lens / win it / come back / two and a half hour / right / only had one other email / beaten / Alexandria in Egypt / invented a feature, and lost it / first / Good work. よくやった。

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